This is especially a problem in church.
While the pastor is speaking, I'm evaluating his statements for veracity, often too critically, especially if I'm at a new church. It's hard to get into the worship service when I can only think about how similar and uncreative most praise and worship songs are. Church becomes less of an outpouring of love to God, and more of an academic exercise. How does this doctrine fit with mine? How many songs use the exact same language? How many errors in grammar did that woman include in her announcement? Why do Christians have to be so average, so silly, so uninspired, so wrong?
That isn't what church is about. Sure, there's a place for study and consultation and heavy thinking; I believe this unto my very soul, and will never stop thinking that. But there's also a place for not thinking, for just acting out of feelings (a part of life I degrade because I'm too afraid to do it), and that aspect of a relationship with God has to be let in. This constant evaluation and rejection of "just empty feelings" only hurts my own ability to grow closer to God. And guess what: I only notice that I'm really far away when something forces my restless mind back into God's endless one, and I remember what it's like to be quiet and listen. That's when God says, "You don't have to understand everything. You CAN'T understand everything. Stop critiquing the music and the speaker and let them do what they're supposed to do. You don't always have to be a rebel; you don't always have to be cutting edge. You don't always have to put up a front so that people won't see that you do want to sing and be close to Me."
It feels like sleeping, but it feels like being completely awake for once.
I do that, too. It's super hard for me to get outside of that critical thinking. And I can't shut my brain off, either. Even now, I should be sleeping, but here I am thinking instead. If I could just find a switch somewhere on this thing....
ReplyDeleteone of my theology teachers here says, "when we worship, we are lying prostrate in front of God."
ReplyDeletehe says it is an act of humility and an understand of how great God is in comparison to us. And that is a really radical attitude to take towards worship when we go to a Christian school and live on campus with a bunch of cynics.
That having been said, I have the same struggle as you. Thinking about that quote has been helpful for me though in that regard.