The "F" word (feminism)

     This semester I'm taking a History and Theory of Film class, and I'm really enjoying it a lot. As my professor promised (or warned) at the beginning of the semester, I view films in a really different way than I did at the beginning of the year, and my vocabulary and ability to understand movies is, I think, improving. This is unsurprising, of course, because the entire point of taking classes is to learn new things that I can apply to my life. Yesterday, to prepare for class today, Monica (my housemate) and I watched The Piano, directed by Jane Campion, who is one of a few notable female directors. I've only ever seen one other movie she's directed (Bright Star) so I don't have a whole lot of knowledge of her as a director, but I was excited for this movie because it is the only movie that we've watched for the class that was directed by a woman. As a woman who is planning on directing movies, I'm always glad to see female directors.

     Anyway, when we arrived for class today, there were still people in our classroom from the class period before, which happens occasionally, so my classmates were waiting in the hall for them to leave. As usual, the women were standing together in one part of the hallway, and the men (or man, in this case, since only one had arrived) were standing apart. I cannot be overly judgmental of this, because I don't normally opt to sit next to any of the guys because I'm not really friends with any of them, even though I do get along with all of them. Before I could join in the conversation, another of the men in the class approached.

     "So, how was The Piano?" He asked. "I didn't get a chance to watch it." I shrugged, because I still don't know how I feel about this particular movie, and because I don't normally know what people want me to say in response to that question. "It was good" seems too subjective, because there are plenty of movies that I think are good that other people don't. On the other hand, "I liked it," seems almost irrelevant, because what does it matter if I liked something? It's like a more self-aware way of saying "It was good." On the third hand, anything longer than either of those options (or their opposites, "It was bad," or "I didn't like it") seems like more information than the person is looking for. As I was considering my answer, the other guy in the hallway answered. "Eh," he said, "I didn't like it. There's a reason women don't make movies." Then he laughed.

     The women I was standing with responded negatively; one of them threatened physical harm against him because there were more of us in the hallway then there were men. The others agreed, or said other similar things. I scoffed, and didn't respond other than that, which is my typical response. First of all, I knew that the guy was kidding, even though I thought his joke was in poor taste. Secondly, I learned a long time ago that men only say those kinds of things to get a reaction, and then they usually (depending on how big of jerks they are) say something like, "Isn't she cute when she's mad?" or something equally dismissive. It's a lot easier, and generally more satisfying, to not care when people are saying things like that. Usually they stop.

     Of course, even when I try not to care I still care a little bit. Even though, like I said, I knew the guy was joking, it's irritating that's a joke that people even think of. From the things this person has said in class, I know that there are many other films he has not been fond of, but he has never claimed that those movies were bad because they were directed by a man. It would be absurd to say that, because most movies are made by men, and a lot of movies are good. Even though there were probably many reasons this person didn't like The Piano, he decided to claim that the reason he didn't like it was because it was directed by a woman.

     I'm sure that, if this person were reading this blog, he would be quick to point out that he doesn't really think that women are inferior to men. (At least, I hope he would.) And it isn't even that I don't like this guy, because I certainly don't dislike him. I typically find him to be intelligent, even when I disagree with what he is saying. He just happened to be participating in something that is a pet peeve of mine: retro-sexism. Full disclosure: I did not just read about that term on my own. A couple of months ago, my friend Alyssa and I were talking about the phenomenon (which was at that point a nameless annoying thing that I hadn't really put my finger on) which Alyssa explained to me was called retro-sexism. Retro-sexism is basically a way of being sexist in an "ironic" way. The way I interpret that is when guys respond to something by saying, "Get back in the kitchen!" or "Make me a sandwich!" and then laugh, because they have won the argument. There is no way for a woman to respond to that, because there is no generally accepted and equally offensive joke for women to make about men. Of course the guys are kidding; they don't really want a sandwich. At the same time, they are using that joke to keep from hearing an intelligent thing a woman has to say. Ending a discussion with, "Go make me a sandwich" is as effective as if you and I were having a level discussion about politics, and you said, "I think illegal aliens should be granted amnesty because the current regulations are too restrictive and don't allow for the influx of immigrants who just want to come to the United States to make a better life for themselves, just like our forefathers did," and I responded by saying loudly, "Yeah, well kiss my butt!"

     Of course you would be speechless. How would you respond to that? It would be illogical to continue the argument, as I haven't given you anything to respond to, but as a thinking human being, you probably don't want to respond with a similar retort, as that would be childish. That is how I feel when a man says "Make me a sandwich."

     Or "Get back in the kitchen."

     Or "There's a reason women don't make movies."

     I know it's just a joke, and I know that I'm "taking it too personally" and being a stupid old stick in the mud. Those are the pressures that cause me to scoff at those remarks, as opposed to saying, "When you made that statement, I felt like you weren't taking me seriously as an intelligent human being." It just makes me really tired. Referring "ironically" to old stereotypes as a way to end arguments is just as offensive as referring to them without joking. They both silence someone effectively, and make me feel small and unimportant, when I know I'm not. It's not okay to joke that I, or any woman, am inept because I am a woman. When women are referred to that way, I am frustrated. I am tired. I am sad.

     That's what I've been thinking about lately.